I used to wish that I was a model. Wish had their slim, slender, curvy body. Wish had thier pretty, scar, pimple free flawless face. Wish have their luxuries lifestyle and surrounded by gorgeous men.
So it shouldn't be a surprise that I enjoyed America,s Next Top Model back then. The models, their assets, their higher-than-life lifestyle and job fasinates me. I really hope I can become slimmer and lose all the scars on my face and become a model like them someday.
But now here I'am. with a pc infront of me, with photoshop work in progress and a Wacom pen in my hand, I'm facing looking at the pc with some artworks needs to be done, I'm in an office-not surrounded by some gorgeous man in a luxury apartment. Nowadays I hardly watch ANTM-my views on them had changed somehow.
I still enjoy the fashions and style and chalkenges that presents within the show, but majority of the contestants disgust me a lot. I just can't stand seeing them bitching around and proud about it. I try my best not to have those typical stereotype view on the models but seriously I do feel majprity of them are indeed (childishly) shallow.
However the more it bothers me the more I begin to realise the reality. I begin to feel pity on them. Bitching, as it called, uncortunately, it's the way to survive in fashion world. The bitchier you're, the more likely you will survive in the fast-flowing fashion industry. I also realised in ANTM, most "bitches" always bitching around with something like, "you bitches are bitching on me coz' ya'all jealous ya'all ain't got body nice like me", "those bitches don't have confidence. I HAVE confidence", "I work harder than any of them, I deserved more than any of them".
This shows they have confident, if not over-confident, arrogance, vanity. Sadly, that's not the case for majority of them. Instead, they,re nothing but a fragile, low self-esteem child who did not have confident with what they have. They appeared strong but once being confronted, they break down, and lashes out to protect themselves, protecting their dignity, protecting what they want believe in themselves are true, not just a mere fantasy.
For these people, modelling is just not a career. This is how they get attention from others. This is how they want people to notice them. This is how they wanted people to realise they exist.
And again here I'am. I'm not thin. But I'am not fat either. My face have scars from previous pimples but they are healing. My body still haven't really fit to wear those luxuries and trendy clothes like the models been wearing. Everyday I just wearing simple t-shirt and plain jeans to the office. While I'm in deep thought of this, a message alert can be heard. I receive a short, but meaningful sms of "I Love U"
Replying the sms, with music from my iPod is still playing, I look to right and sees Hana, engrossed with her work. I look to the left and sees Hiro also engrossed with his work. I look to the front and sees my work is still in progress. I can see my artwork is still half-way done. I wanted tto finish the art fast as I'am thrill to see the outcome of my work. I'm loving with what I'm doing now. And so does Hana and Hiro. That is why we are here, in this office. I look to the left side my pc and sees the three photos of me and Bryan that I stick there three days ago.
I suddenly smile and quipped, "I love the life I'm having now"
finally I graduate, pretty scare tho. hoping to get a job, a proper job after this. omg I'm just scared...
as I went through this life, I believe I had try my best to consider n taking care other people's feelings, especially those I'm close and care with
BUT why is hard for them to consider my feelings?
ok I don't like what you like, but I don't go around and blurt out to you, criticizing your liking. I don't go around directly said "I hate them/him/her", "I don't go around said "They trash, how could possible anyone (you) like them", I don't go around laughing at other people's face for their liking
so I have an argument with somebody. tho it might sounds silly but we were argue about game. I'm alway pissed off with people who keep complaining or dissing about something when they not even give a try on it. Yes you got the picture here, so basically he keep complaining this and that, but since he never play that game, or for the sake or argument, yea he did see people playing before, only around a minute or less, or just been hearing a lil' bit of that game from there and there; so almost all his complains sounded utterly ridiculous!
