Saw that Coming, New that Coming, Just waiting the Time
though many times I reminded myself, I keep forgetting; keep been fooled, blinded with the "so-called-happiness" moments
I guess my limits also have come, time to really remind myself:
* you only have yourself
* nothing wrong being alone, no ones gonna hurt you
* when you help others. full stop. don't aspect others to return
* do all your things alone. don't ask for others' help. once you owe them. you're done
* just shut up and keep thing to yourself. no need to share. it's pointless
* be yourself, no need to give a fucking damn about others. they never consider your feelings to begin with
* help yourself. again, being alone is ACTUALLY cool
hope this will help me a lot in later life
sometimes when I'm in the "so-called happy" times, I always think everything I wrote in this blog are ridiculous, funny, and childish. there are even times I wanna delete some of my posts
but then again, when I think back, I shouldn't. when I think again, this blog, is actually, in fact, the real me. of many years and still is, I guess all my childishness is nothing to cover my emo-true-self. what I realised being all these childish helps me to overcome my anger, sadness, depression and frustrations. without them, I would have gone insane or commit suicide (I have attempted few time already actually)
when I think again also, having all these negative values is not wrong, is a FACT that you're facing life, reality. yeah reality is sucks, hurtful, and painful. I got these tons already
committing suicide is perhaps the best answer. but I couldn't bring myself to coz I keep thinking about those who are left behind. I seriously don't think any of my friends, or even Bryan would grief on me. even if they do, I don't think that would be too long. but what I know, and dare to 100% confirmed, my parents would-and that's the one and only reason preventing me from committing suicide
enough ranting this piece of shit. I'm back to my lifeless life
