The Daily Life of Emily

Even though I can be quite forgivable, but once I hurt, the scar will remain there, either it will gone after quite a long period, or remains there forever. Once I hurt, I will never been the same again. Never ever.

it has been very very hard for me. for many years I've been alone n now, suddenly, I realized I'm in a group of people.....I dunno...I simply can't catch up with them.....
I had been enjoy being alone. I enjoy doing things by my own. Don't trouble people. Don't trouble myself. Do not have any tight with anyone. I'm for me, for myself. I'm being selfish and nobody get disturb with it. I don't feel pain. I don't feel sorrow. I only have myself.

but against the odd, when I come to collage, how much I wish to be alone, I found myself in deep pain when seeing almost everyone with group of friends. How painful it was. How bleeding my hear was.

and against the odd, I found myself into a group of people. My friends. Whom I'm deeply love them. Whom are really cared for me.

I don't really believe in love. I've been hurt non-stop previously. Though I didn't put much hope or high hopes, I want to be loved, I want to be with someone.
and against the odd, I found myself in love with someone, whom, who also repays my love.

but I soon face troubles. I didn't been a good friend with them...I dunno how to carry myself, I dunno when to speak, I'm not mature, even though I really wish I'am. How ironic.....

furthermore, world is so cruel...I had to wear a mask all the time. I could not voice my desires. I'm only following others. As long I follow theirs', I will be fine....but once I voiced my desires, they may find I'm been very selfish...

my friends could think of that

people around me always think like that

my very own family think like that

even the one I loved the most, the one I felt I only had right now, think like that....


called me selfish...haven't they realized what I ask is very little compare to what I had given to them.Didn't they realized I had sacrificed a lot for them?
What did I do wrong? Maybe it's my attitudes. I never used to be surround with many people. I just dunno how to carry myself. Please forgive me. Can't u?

some even think I'm a bitch. I'm a whore...what did I do for them to think like that? I simply dunno...I never mind all these things. They never bothered me. But when 'someone' had also think like that, even say it, I already dunno...It's hurt, it's hurt....

that 'someone' even congrats me for become the '2nd special' person to hurt him...what about me? Does he wants me to say "Congratulations, you're just like others who only knows to hurt me"? Does he wants me to say "I had give given up on you"?

maybe I do had given up on him...I felt hopeless...I felt I've been wasting my time...my life...
and yet, I refuse to let him go. Am I being foolish? Or am I love him so much to let him go?

my only sanctuary I have right now had collapsed. I had lost my light. I had lost everything. No matter how hard I try, nobody understand me, nor I understand them...the world seems doesn't belongs to me, and I don't seems belongs to it also....

Who should I end up to in this world? I had no one right now...

the world may have accept me, but I still cannot accept the world. How unfortunate...

what's the worth in this life? who am I fighting for? Not to my family anymore. Not to my friends anymore. Not to even the one I loved the most...

I have no one. My heart felt so empty, So dark. So cold....I'm not sure whether my heart can open for any love if I lost everything I have right now...

I guess now, I only fight for myself. Carry on the meaningless life of mine, like before, no turning back to me, hoping someday when I'm gone, only then they realized my existence, finally they will appreciate me, and finally, I will be remembered....