if u like something very much, but u can't excels in it, it's VERY frustrating n upsetting rite?
I LOVE games, I loves them, very much
I play a lot of games in the old days. I dun care much about winning, as long I can play, either to myself, or with others
But recently I felt it's too much already
I mean, can't I win, EVEN once??
Nowadays I suffered terrible "Inferior Complexity" towards my own brother Dean n my own boyfriend Bryan........
Dean n Bryan are so good in games. You can give them anything n they simply can win them with a very good remarks
I'm the one introduce Dean Monster Hunter, but now, despite he can't play everyday like me, he is far better than me. I used to think my char in MH is noob, have a weak defense n weak weapon. So all I can say, "hey! how am I supposed to do this quest?"
I've been doing the same quest over n over n over n over I failed T_T
I simply give to Dean n I dun really expect he can win
But the, not only he won
He won without getting knockout, using only small amount of supply items n even won within few minutes
n he use the char that I think noob!!!!!
n there's Bryan. We played Lineage 2 n Florensia together. He soo good in them, he can trade very well, he do marketing very well, n he can managing stats n skills VERY well
Did I mention the word VERY?
n can u guess what happend recently? I messed my char, both in Lineage 2 n Florensia T_T
man! I HATE MYSELF! SERIOUSLY!!!
Dun get me wrong, of corse I do feel proud about them (after all they are my brother n boyfriend)
But don't u think it's too much ady?
I LOVE games, but so far all games I can win in Easy mood only, I hardly passed Normal mood,
what the hell?!! n you call yourself a gamer gurl??!!
of course I never said this to anyone. Owh come on! A gamer gurl who can only win in Easy mood? Haiya!!
Oso, anothet embrassing n painful thing to admit. Even today I still dunno to use blog or forum!
previously I dun really give a damn about it, but now I need it, for a gamer, it's VERY important to read blogs or forums to update about games
man.......I'm very upset. Very, very. very upset
but I never talk about this, coz, I know, it's very stupid, very silly to talk about it
I mean people can say, "u feel upset juz bwcuase you're not good in game? owh come on! grow up gurl!!"
but it's very frustrating n upsetting to me, for I can do good in something I really like, love n very dedicated into.....
"speechless......."
5th November 2008
Bryan sent me sweet sms
I want to go to campus today and I don't want to go alone....
So I woke up earlier than usual n accompany him to campus
During lunch, after some hectic, I could not get myself a lunch (I want the BBQ speggatti....). Bryan eventually offered his BBQ speggatti to me (aww) n we ended up eating together ^^
That night, I told Bryan that nowadays I am happy with my life (coz now I got Ash, Sam & Yat) but now I am happier
Bryan asked if it because of him n I said yes
he come sit next to me n ask me to close my eyes. Then he ask me to turn my head a little bit, then, he kissed me.........
Suddenly, he was so frustrated, apparently he is not satisfied with his kiss, some more it's the 1st kiss in our life
He been practicing for the kiss for 2 days.....lol.....by using his hand as a kissing base.....lol.....epic lol.....
"My first date ever"
2nd November 2008
A night earlier Bryan told me he need to go to to Sunway to withdraw money. I wanna come a long. I need to take my membership card as well as settle some bills. Bryan then suggested to go for a movie afterward
Ili: So is tomorrow consider as a date?
Bryan: If you want to be that way
So then at noon, off we go to Sunway
We settle our stuffs first. Got separate for a while. Bryan went to settle his Maxis bill while I off to get my membership card
Finally, we decided to go watch a movie. Nothing much interested actually. Then Bryan decided to watch "The Coffin"
We go buy our tickets
Counter Girl: What movie sir?
Bryan: The Coffin, at 2:45 pm please
Counter Girl: How many people?
Bryan: Two
The counter girl look at us
Counter Girl: Do you want a normal seat or couple seat?
I was like "What the HELL? Couple Seat?! They have something like that?!! I never know...."
I nervously (n exited at the same time XP) look at Bryan
Ili: Which one you want?
Bryan: Anyone you want
Ili: Ah um Ah Um.......COUPLE SEAT!!
Aiya............
Ok inside the cinema we sit separately. Bryan keep teasing me not to jump on him whenever the ghost come out. I teased him back, stating that he could be the one who jumping on me instead XD
I know if I drink to much before the cinema I will ended up going to toilet in the middle of the story so I decided to go to the toilet before the movie start n not to drink afterward coz I don't want to spoil the moment of our 1st date
Then as the movie start n the cinema turns dark Bryan, within 0.001sec have his arm around me L0L!!
And I leaned on him for the rest of the movie
During the movie, whenever the suspend part, Bryan would teased me
However, whenever the real surprised scenes, I noticed Bryan get surprised more then I do X3333333
After the movie we kinda agreed that The Coffin is not scary at all but just have lots of surprising scenes. I then teased him for being surprised more than I do
Bryan looked at me n after a fer second he embarrassingly said "Shut Up" L0L!!
I keep teasing him that for the whole day X3333
"What am I to you?"
31st October 2008
Early, I had discussed with Ash many times that not to have any relationship sooner as it would be too soon n perhaps I should begin in next semester
If possible, I want him to confess first instead of me
my previous confession to two guys ended up as a great failure so I decided to let guy confess this time. After all, I don't want the good friendship I have with Bryan destroyed just like that like what happened to Robert last time
But the weight of wondering whether Bryan really likes me or he just being normal is too much already. To continue to keep wondering till next semester, which is 3 months, I think I can gone insane
That night as I doing my assignments while he playing DoTA after a whole day doing assignments, I put down my book and non-nonchalantly asked him, "What am I to you?"
Bryan suddenly become surprised. Not sure what to answer. He even cannot focus in his DoTa anymore n stated "I'm losing here" (usually he will pissed off if he losing in DoTA but this time he didn't mind at all)
Finally he stated he can't play anymore n stop. At first he was in leaning position. Then he changed to sitting position. And finally he changed to sleeping position
Bryan: very difficult to answer..............
Ili: It's ok. Don't need to answer if you can't
Suddenly Bryan asked me insted, "What am I to you?"
I was like, aku yang tanya dia, dia lak yang tanya kita sekarang but I answer him anyway. Nervously
"You're one of the few people that I can call friend. You're also one of the rare people I feel very relax and easy to talk to. You're somehow, quite special to me....."
Phew, I said it finally. Suddenly Bryan calmly said to me, "You're special to me. Very"
I was very surprised. I didn't expect this much. The room become silent. After a while I broke the silent
Ili: So are we official then?
Bryan: Yea.......
The room become silent again. This time Bryan broke the silent, in excitement
Bryan: You want others to know?
Ili: (stunned) Like this Bryan, I'm not gonna yell to the world Bryan is my bf but if people ask, I will say yes
The room become silent again. I asked d him
Ili: If I said you're my bf is that ok?
Bryan: I am very honored
After awhile I told him I want to get fresh air. I went to the balcony n call Ash. Ash was surprised n stated "so soon?"
L0L
We are OFFICIAL!!
"It's Bryan's Birthday!"
29th October 2008
I managed to make Bryan stayed in his unit for the whole night (HeHeHe) which I told him that I accidentally left out some important work that we have to show tomorrow (which is actually half true =_=")
I called my senior Jay, who is also Bryan's housemate to unlock the door arounf 11:45pm
We put all the stuffs on Bryan's unit table silently
Then we starting to put the candles (as Ash reading was reading the words on the cake, I slapped her hand, which ended up 'ruined' the cake top L0L ^_^"
Then I went to knock his room door. He opened it in his usual way n welcome me in
I called out "guys" n his reaction was like "How many people you brought this time?" as he thought I bought several people to play around
H e was very surprised when we showed him 2 birthday cakes n some sparkling juices
We sang him "Happy Birthday" song n I gave him my present n give him a quick kiss at his cheek, which I spontaneously n nervously did
Bryan was speechless
Then we call Jay to join us. Bryan the cut his cake, n gave the 1st slice to Jay. Tina was enormous n stated the 1st slice was supposedly given to someone special
Yat Weng almost immediately teased Bryan
Tina: You're suppossed to give the 1st slice to someone special
Ili: OMG Bryan! All this while......!
Yat: You're GAY!!
Bryan: WHAT THE HELL?!!
The night was fun. We are having a great time. I sit next the Bryan all the time n like I did before, I played around his fingers n he grabs it
Then Jay teased us:
Jay: So when you gonna meet her parents?
I was like, "What the Hell" b felt embarrassed, but then, Bryan surprisingly replied:
Bryan: Wait! Too soon!
I was speechless. And again I was like "What the Hell?!!". But I was very very very happy to hear that
After the party ends, I stayed at Bryan's unit to clean up. Bryan excitingly open his presents, hoping it as his all-time dream model Gurren (sorry Bryan, I didn't know you want that ^_^")
Bryan: ONG, I hope this is what I always wanted
Ili: I fthat really what you wanted, what are you going to do to me?
Bryan: What do you want then?
Ili: Kiss me X3
Unfortunately it's not what he wanted terlepas peluang
But luckily I still like it, a lot, after all, it Code Geass action figure You better like it coz I spent RM80 on them L0L
Then we continue to do our work. Half-way he asked:
Bryan: I assume you want to sleep here tonight?
Ili: Ummmmm.....If you don't mind
Bryan: I don't mind
Yeah after we finised our work, we went to sleep, different beds ok ^_^"
"I'll cherish all the moments we have together in my life"
24th October 2008
Around 10, Yat Weng asked me to go to eat at Al-Amin. I asked Tina n Rara to join me. I sms Bryan n ask him to. He said he's lazy to go, wanna play Spore (=_=")
Eventually I planned along Tina n Rara to 'force' Bryan to come along. We succeed. He is kinds 'pissed off' but he still come along He He He
During the time we 'drag' him out from his room, I realized he seems don't mind when I hug him or hold his hand. I decided to hold for some more. No reaction
As we walk to Al-Amin, Bryan keeps 'complaining' of the walk tiring him. I had to 'console' him ^^;
I then realized he still don't mind I've been holding his hand. I changed my hand's position. I play with his fingers. No reaction. Instead, he grabbed my hand
We talk a bit. Suddenly I accidentally asked,"If I'm thinner, will you like me more?"
I was expecting he would either say his usual "What the HELL?" or at least "What do you mean by that?"
But instead he sarcastically replied "I'm not sure about that"
Then he mentioned about being many girls around him. I immediately replied, "Don't you make me jealous!"
He gave me no reaction but when I repeated my word again and only then he said his usual "What the Hell?"
Dinner was ok (only me, Bryan, Tina, Rara n Yat)
After dinner, I was wondering Bryan's earlier reactions to me was because he still blur after being 'dragged' to go out with us. I'm quite sure after dinner he is a little bit fresh n will realized more of his reaction so I decided to test once more
On the way home, I play with his hand again n this tine he grabbed my hand even faster! *heart pounding*
Too happy to think about it again. I fall asleep faster in out of excitement
"Before I lost my memories due to my sickness, I will record this as I don't want this memories lost"
18th October 2008
It was kinda spoilt that the original plan is to go to Sunway CC was canceled, I could not see Bryan's superb knifing skill in CoD4 (I was looking forward too see him knifing Jas) HeHeHe
Then that day Byran went home alone early (bummer! I wanna go home with him >.<). I ended up going home with Alfred and Gerald on Zaf's car
Originally I wanna go KL (but it was raining heavily). So I decided to go Byran's place place to play Spore and do some homeworks. I cook him "cucur udang" (his fave)
We kinda have fun, teasing each other
Finally! Finally that day I managed to ask him to join dinner with others (everyone in there EXCEPT Ash n Vin still "stucked" in KL ^^")
During the dinner, as usual, I got "bullied" by almost everyone (especially Yat Weng n now plus Bryan -_-")
However, despite everything, I'm having a great time, I can see Bryan really enjoyed with us and he also make Sam laughed a lot (Sam haven't laugh as many as tonight)
Then I found out Ash n Vin almost arrive Desaria
In attempt to have them around with us to meet Bryan, I bought everyone with a drink
After that, Bryan n I decided to make a move first. As we slowly walk, Tina suddenly turned up behind us. I said "Run" and Bryan suddenly really running!
I tried to catch up. As we both inside the lift, we both can't stop laughing
I will never forget that.....never ever....
